9/10/10 – HOG Heaven

I struggled getting to sleep last night because of the noise from the nearby airport and highway traffic. At 3:30 a.m. I finally got up and stuffed in some ear plugs. When I awoke, there was bright sunshine leaking through the edges of the curtains and it took me a few seconds to figure out where I was and why I was completely deaf. I looked over at my watch and it was 12:00. Holy-shit! Check-out was at 11:00 and cheap motels are militant about booting guests promptly at 11:00 because the maids all leave by about 3:00 p.m. You learn these things when you spend a month living as a transient, sleeping in cheap motels. Anyway, I yanked-out the ear plugs and began franticly packing-up my stuff before they took a battering ram to my door to drag me out to the street. For some reason, I flipped-on the TV and the Today Show was on and the time in the corner of the screen was 7:30. What? The Today Show must be from a different time zone or perhaps it’s tape-delayed in Milwaukee? I picked-up my watch again and it still read 12:00. How can a digital watch go so haywire? I took a closer look and the watch was in Alarm Mode. I toggled to Time Mode and sure enough, it was actually 7:30. Despite the terror, I suddenly experienced euphoria similar to reaching into an old jacket pocket and finding a hundred dollar bill you lost years ago. I went back to bed and got up at 10:00.

Before shoving-off for Chicago, I decided to visit the Harley Museum and it was a real treat. Harley may make over-priced, unreliable, heavy, poor handling motorcycles, but the Harley-Davidson Company knows its customers and they pull-out all the stops to make them happy. In return, Harley people are exceptionally loyal and they flock to the museum on their Harleys, wearing all kinds of Harley apparel and Harley tattoos. In front of the museum is a special motorcycle parking lot. Harley Owners’ Group [HOG] members get in at a deep discount. In front of the museum a team of Harley workers were erecting a 9-11 tribute by making a giant array of U.S. flags that spell-out REMEBER. They also added Wisconsin state flags for each person from WI who was killed and they are erecting a large elevated grandstand for people to view the memorial. Pretty cool.

Anyway, I went into the museum to purchase my admission ticket and there was a 20-person “Steel-toed boots tour” assembled to drive out to the factory to watch Harley’s being assembled. The lady at the counter told me there was one ticket left, but that a couple had been waiting to see if they could both go. She said if they didn’t want it, the ticket was mine. Unfortunately, they flipped a coin and the husband took the tour, while his wife waited at the museum. Oh well, I enjoyed wandering around the museum. They have pristine examples of every Harley model ever made, including the 1903 serial number 1. I learned a lot about the company’s history, including that it was on the verge of bankruptcy at least twice. I was surprised to learn that Harley has made everything from 2-stroke dirt bikes, scooters, drag-bikes, café racers, bicycles, special military vehicles and even boats and snowmobiles. Next time you’re in Milwaukee, it’s definitely worth checking out. If you ride a Harley, put it on your Bucket List.

I had a nice ham, cheese and pippin apple Panini at the Café Racer café before I hit the road towards Chicago at around 2:00. When I crossed into Illinois the small farms, dairies and cheese factories were replaced by suburban sprawl and toll-roads. The lush greenery is a lot browner in IL and not neatly manicured like in WI. When I got 15 miles outside of Chicago, the traffic came to a grinding halt as roadwork and thousands of aggressive drivers crawled into the city. I traversed the city, first riding east to the southeasten corner of Chicago. Trust me when I say that southern Chicago is an armpit in need of strong deodorant. I rode north along the Lake Michigan shoreline and then all the way back south through the heart of town. During my ramblings, I saw much of the city, including both MLB baseball parks, and the SOX were hosting a home game. The whole time I was looking for a motel to stay the night. I didn’t find one.

After riding all around Chicago for over 3 hours, I've empirically determined that Chicago is not a Great City. That’s not to say that there are no great places or things to do here, but the city itself is tired, run-down and filled with surly people honking horns and zipping around like maniacs. My analogy is that Chicago is an old lady who totally let herself go many years ago. First, she quit Jenny Craig and started eating a strict diet of burritos, then she started smoking and drinking way too much, then she tossed her nice cloths and bought moo-moo’s like Whoopi Goldberg’s. Before you knew it, she stopped doing her hair, nails and make-up, and then in a final act of defiance, she abandoned all concern for any form of personal hygiene.

Here’s my top ten list as to why Chicago is not a Great City:
10. The architecture sucks: Giant glass and cement rectangles are not interesting or attractive. And the huge Bob Newhart-style apartments don’t make it any better. Where’s the art-deco Chrysler Building or the Transamerica Pyramid? The Sears Bulding; are you kidding me? It's just a tall rectangle of black glass with antennae on top. Sorry, I'm unipressed.
9. There’s litter everywhere and the dumpsters are brimming over, even in the parks along the shoreline.
8. The roads suck and the drivers here are reckless and rude.
7. There are no motels within the city limits.
6. Incessant honking horns.
5. The prettiest place I saw in Chicago was a cemetery – seriously, in the cemetery there was no litter and the grounds were well maintained.
4. Urban decay and rust are everywhere. Everything made of metal is rusty and in serious need of some fresh paint.
3. The weather here toggles between Africa hot and Frozen solid.
2. There are cops, firefighters and emergency vehicles everywhere and all of them are lit-up with sirens blaring. The cops all wear bullet-proof vests over their uniforms. There are even police surveillance cameras atop most intersections with flashing strobe lights so you know they’re there. And;
1. For the first time in nearly 5,000 miles of riding on this trip, I don’t feel safe.

In fairness to Chicago, it’s got great restaurants, fantastic ball parks, lots of red meat, musical history, night life and lots of culture, but I’m sorry, it’s not a great city. Big, yes; Great, no. I’ll take Milwaukee over this place any day.

By 7:30 I was ready to set-up camp for the night and my instinct was to head towards the airport to find lodging. My instinct was correct and I quickly spotted a motel just one mile from O’Hare. The jets are buzzing my room every 30 seconds, but fortunately I have ear plugs.