9/7/10 – Who’s Eating All The Corn?

Thank you to those of you who joined my blog and posted comments today. Feel free to post comments, but remember, if you can’t say something nice… Actually, feel free to post anything that’s on your mind, I have thick skin and a thick body to match.

Do you people have any idea how much corn is grown in the Midwest? I’ll give you a hint: It’s approximately a Shitload! Today I crossed Minnesota and the entire state is filled with corn fields. I’m pretty sure Nebraska and Iowa are carbon copies. Who’s eating all this corn? I did some rough math and determined that if we got a nickel for every ear of corn produced in America, we could afford to pay-off the National debt, including the cost of all the brand new autobahns, and there would still be enough corn left over to build corn palaces for every town in the country. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.

I was kicked-out of my motel at 11:00 and they weren’t buying my protest that I’m running on California Mean Time [CMT] and by my reasoning it was actually only 9:00. So after being booted, I rode to the nearest gas station and I was perplexed as to what gas to buy. There were 3 choices, as follows:
1. Regular – 87 octane and $2.69 a gallon;
2. Supra – 91 octane and $2.59 a gallon; and
3. E85 – 105 octane and $2.05 a gallon ["Warning: This is not gasoline and it may damage your engine"].

I subscribe to the theory of “You get what you pay for” and decided to fill-up with Regular. The gas station had big piles of fire-wood and bags of rock-salt for sale. This is a sure sign that someone thinks ice and snow are on the way soon and it was my subtle clue to get the Hell out of Dodge.

Before hitting the road, I decided to tour downtown Sioux Falls and also to see the Falls for which it is named. Unfortunately, I took directions from an inbred clerk at the gas station and wandered aimlessly around Sioux Falls for 3 hours. Fortunately, Sioux Falls is a lovely town that’s filled with historical monuments, parks, interesting architecture and the Big Sioux River. It’s also filled with “America Recovery Act Dollars at Work” and it’s hard to get around due to all the road work. If you’re ever there, it’s worth the effort to see the eclectic downtown, which is comprised of early 20th Century buildings, modern art on every corner and great parks, including Sioux Falls Park. Another thing that struck me about Sioux Falls is the number of micro-casinos in town. I have no idea what kind of gaming they offer, but they’re all tinier than a Kum & Go mini-mart. I even saw one casino-barbershop combo that is included in today’s pictures.

I hit the highway at 2:00 local time under sunny and cool skies, just as my trip odometer flipped over the 4,000 mile mark. Fifteen minutes later, I was in the Land of 10,000 Lakes, but it should be named the Land of Ten Gazillion Stalks of Corn. As soon as I crossed from SD into MN I knew I was in a different place. The small family farms, turned into massive cooperative farms that go on for miles; like 10 miles or more. The highway median changed from wild grasslands to a perfectly manicured, V-shaped mown lawn. There was less wind, but lots of windmills. There are no anti-abortion billboards [In SD there was an anti-abortion billboard in a roadside cemetery that said “How many dead babies are buried here? Abortion is murder”]. Also, the rest stops in MN are nice and they are staffed full-time with old men who wear silver Sheriff’s badges that say “Rest Stop Custodian”. I told one of the custodians that his rest stop was really nice and I’m certain that my remark made his day. He beamed with pride and said “Thanks, I love to hear that”. The MN rest stops are really nice.

I know some of you will be disappointed that I decided to pass on the “World of SPAM Museum” at the massive Hormel plant in central MN, but I really wasn’t sure I could take the tour and still hold-down my lunch. I apologize to all my Filipino and Hawaiian followers, but that shit is nasty! Think about this for a second before you cast judgment on me: How do you suppose Hormel is able to retail a 12 oz. tin of “meat” for 59 cents? Then consider what kind of “meat” can be produced at this price and how come it doesn’t taste like any other meat product? Nobody knows for sure, but there are some of us who suspect that SPAM is actually processed nasty-bits, congealed with gelatin and salt. Yuk! Let’s move on before I lose it.

After another fantastic sunset in MN, I crossed the Mississippi River into Wisconsin after dark and the corn fields were abruptly replaced with lots of trees. I rode into the dark until my butt could take no more and I stopped for the night at a quaint little motel with dormers over every room, called Lark Inn in Tomah, Wisconsin. More from the Cheese-head State tomorrow.